Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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