so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
