My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
