i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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