u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
