My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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