i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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