my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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