hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
