I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
