My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
