Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
