I have demons in me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
