How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
