Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
