Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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