nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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