the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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