On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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