Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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