My liver just broke up with me...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
