Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
