My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
