i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
