You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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