i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
