Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
where are you?
Hypothermia
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
