hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
