that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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