i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
