Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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