Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
