im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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