So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
