Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
