You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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