i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
