I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
