Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
