I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
