but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
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