What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
