i permit you to call me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
