I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize