Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize