it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm eating all of the evidence.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
