im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
