i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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