his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
