We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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