I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
