Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
false alarm. still invincible.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
