Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
