She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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