Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
