just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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