I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
