I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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