I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
