yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
