i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize