Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
