Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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