I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
