he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
